Defense lawyer fees

July 8th, 2014

A man went to a lawyer for a defense after he had been caught embezzling millions from his employer. He was concerned about going to jail, but was told by the attorney, “Don’t worry, you’ll never go to jail with all that money.” The lawyer was right. When the man went to prison, he didn’t have a dime.

Accountant’s reincarnation

January 10th, 2013

The Accountant’s Theory of Reincarnation: if you are a good and virtuous accountant, then you are reborn as an engineer.
But if you are evil, wicked accountant, you are reborn as a psychologist.

Politician and lightbulb

December 12th, 2012

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

Memory problem

November 16th, 2012

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem?

Winning the Rat Race

November 12th, 2012

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat.
Lily Tomlin – comedian and actress.

Rabbit and the eagle

November 11th, 2012

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting and doing nothing. The rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Operation of Life

November 10th, 2012

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
George Bernard Shaw.

Dentist Fees

November 9th, 2012

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $200
Patient: $200 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly, if you like.

Law and Lawyers

November 9th, 2012

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
Robert Frost

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
HL Mencken

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
John Adams

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

Laws control the lesser man… Right conduct controls the greater one.
Mark Twain

Stockbroker Job

November 8th, 2012

Stockbroker’s creed: A man is a client until proven broke.

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