A man went to a lawyer for a defense after he had been caught embezzling millions from his employer. He was concerned about going to jail, but was told by the attorney, “Don’t worry, you’ll never go to jail with all that money.” The lawyer was right. When the man went to prison, he didn’t have a dime.
The Accountant’s Theory of Reincarnation: if you are a good and virtuous accountant, then you are reborn as an engineer.
But if you are evil, wicked accountant, you are reborn as a psychologist.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat.
Lily Tomlin – comedian and actress.
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting and doing nothing. The rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
George Bernard Shaw.
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Patient: $200 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly, if you like.
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Laws control the lesser man… Right conduct controls the greater one.
Stockbroker’s creed: A man is a client until proven broke.